Tell Me Pastor: Persistent Classmate Pressuring Me For Sex

Dear Pastor,

I am a 20-year-old young woman studying at a teachers' college, and I want some advice about a fellow student who has been pressuring me. He approached me on campus, declared that he loves me, and asked us to become friends. I made it clear that I was open only to being social acquaintances since I barely know him, but he said we would learn about each other over time.

The trouble is that every conversation he starts circles back to sex. I have told him plainly that there are far more meaningful subjects we could discuss. We have not met each other's families, but he mentioned that his relatives live in difficult circumstances in a rural part of Jamaica, an area I have only heard of in passing. When he invited me to travel there with him I agreed, but the moment he hinted that I might need to sleep over, I refused, because I have no intention of staying overnight in the home of strangers.

On one occasion we went out together to watch a play. It finished earlier than expected, and I asked to return to my hostel. Instead he suggested we go somewhere else because, in his words, he was eager to "sample my special spot". When I questioned what he meant, he openly said he was referring to my vagina, adding that no wise man would buy "puss in bag".

That was the moment I decided I would not see him again. Even so, he continues to phone and text me, and he is feeding my friends the false impression that the two of us are in a relationship. I pointed out that there are plenty of other young women on campus he could approach if his only interest is sex.

He claims to come from a poor household, yet he always seems to have money on him. Church holds no appeal for him, but I have told him I am a Christian and that, in time, I hope to settle down with a Christian partner. I am still a virgin and I would never offer this man any opportunity in my life. He is not a decent person. He has even boasted that he will eventually get what he wants from me, and I warned him that any attempt at rape would land him at the police station.

P.

Dear P.,

This young man needs to learn to hold his tongue, because his behaviour shows no class at all. He insists he is attracted to you, yet sex is the single topic he is able to focus on, and that alone is reason enough to keep him at a distance. Be careful not to accept gifts or favours from him either, because he is not operating with wisdom.

His suggestion that you travel with him to rural Jamaica and stay the night raises an obvious question: stay where? At his parents' home? You were right to see through that plan. He talks about "sampling" you as though you were a piece of fruit on a market stall, but you are neither produce nor merchandise.

You have shown the discipline to keep your body under control, and ending the friendship was the correct decision. Block his number on your phone and move on. He is not the kind of company you need around you. Study seriously, because passing alone is not enough; aim for high grades.

Pastor